Considering a public blog

I like doing this thing, but it's mostly for updating a few people. I'm considering making a public blog, and actually writing it for random people to read. I'd like to keep my writing skills up to date, and photo skills as well- I could document whatever I was talking about, although I would probably do it pretty anonymously.
I even have an idea for the title, it's just deciding wether or not to do it. I started this one mostly to keep people up to date with my and the baby, and that has been done, so I'm not sure what all to do- although I don't know f I'd kill this one or not.
There's lots of things could talk about- what I cooked for dinner, what I'm wearing (clothes are an obsession right now, because looking presentable makes me feel good:) I know the successful ones have an 'angle' but I am not sure if I am thinking it would be a busy blog or not.
Thinking, thinking...

I survived another week

This week has been crazy- since Eric and I share a car, we had to organize borrowing mom's or taking Eric to work this week, since I had a pediatrician appointemnt, a chiropractor appointment and lunch with the girls all on different days.

All three went fine.

Alex is already 2 feet long! He also weighs over 11 pounds. Crazy. It's true when they say they will never be that way again... I try to remember how small he was in the hospital... He's grown so much more into his face though, what a cutie!

Today for lunch I made an effort to get cute. I don't get out, but I always try to get brushed and decent in the morning for the day. Today I wanted to be a little cute, like the fashion blog I like to check out, Adored Austin . I wore purple tights, leopard ballet flats, and a dress with a black belt. I adore the belted look, it looks good. I have a couple dresses I hadn't worn yet belted with my big belt, so today I tried my denim one. Score:) And heart- shaped sunglasses, but that was nmot intentional. Couldn't find my regular ones. I've had many items misplaced in the chaos right before and after Alex came- I'm still finding random items in places because I can't remember where I put them three weeks before.

Don't have plans for this weekend except getting Christmas pics done so I can work on Xmas cards. I have big plans, let's see if I can get them done.

Some photos

I'm planning on shooting more this week. It's a little exhausting for both of us, not having an assistant except Daisy who is on baby boycott right now...

I'm trying to get ready for Christmas cards, lol.

Swooping in at the nick of time

This was my first week alone. Now, since the hospital, I've had a lot of alone time- Eric working on his truck as well as being with Alex and I, and everyone else being sick and staying away. It's been a rough 4 weeks.
I can't complain too much- I do have an easygoing baby. But it has been overwhelming being at some one's beck and call at least once every three hours to eat, let alone all of the other things that Alex needs.
Last night was rough- Alex kept eating and fussing until midnight, and I had tried everything I could, as calmly as possible, to get him to sleep (Eric coming in and picking him up did the trick at 12:30- at 4, it was putting him on my chest. Again, after trying that an hour ago. Bleah.)
I was so wound up last night, I couldn't sleep once I got the chance, so I racked in a good three hours. Total. Up at 8, early as usual (yes, I know it's not that early. But I don't really sleep in till 9 regardless, it gets too light.)
Eric was really a saving grace last night and this morning- he made breakfast, so I actually got some before 11. Which is important, I have to eat so I can make breakfast/lunch/dinner for someone special.

Sleep

is getting easier all of the time. he last two nights have been pretty good- Alex has eaten at 9 or 10, then at 1 or 2, then 4 or 5, then 8 or so... he is eating more often before and after his afternoon nap, though, which is fine, but he keep falling asleep, so it's every hour for a couple few hours.. makes getting ready in the morning way harder.
He's asleep now, after being up all morning, like he was yesterday morning. It's different every couple of days, and I'm waiting for a little bit of a schedule to happen, but every time I figure it out he changes it:)

A Baby Story

it's on after What not to Wear. Everytime I hear the word c section or see hospital footage I breathe faster... I try not to watch it, but if I'm out of the room and it is after 10... ugh.

Adding on- babywearing

got the Moby to wrk- really hadn't been wanting to do much, so hadn't been wearing him. Should be napping, but at least he is sleeping well!
http://www.mobywrap.com/t-instructions-Hug.aspx
This is how I am wearing him... I tried the cradle thing a week or so ago, but couldn't get it to work. This is awesome.

it's amazing

what a little sleep and thai food can accomplish.
I survived 2 days without Eric, but next week there's five:( I think Grandma and I are going to hang out though- my parents are off to Vegas, so I will be essentially abandoned, although in theory I could use mom's car, but we'd need to move the base. Eric doesn't like driving Mom's car.
Eric's parents babysat last night so we could go out without Alex to Ben Jarong (yummy thai food) he ate two bottles in a row- I wonder if she thinks I'm starving him, lol. He kept them busy with diapers too- and we were only gone about 2 1/2 hours.
I keep finding uses for breastmilk- it's so entertaining. It's good for zits, and sunborns, even warts. Seriously. No, I haven't tried it on me yet, but Alex got a little where he was breaking out, and either that or the lotion did it.

First day alone

Can't drive, which I can't do anyway since Eric has the car... Mom working all day, Dad at a golf tournament, I am all alone with a 3 week old baby and a jealous chihuahua (she is not bad jealous, just neglected jealous. Don't worry, we snuggled.)
This morning was interesting- I'm thinking the hot chocolate makes him fussy- I guess I'll have to start brewing coffee or tea, I guess... I need something hot to drink.
But now he's his usual angelic self, so we're good. He really is a good baby, and I am completely blessed.
Yesterday we went to get a lump checked, turns out it was just because I carried him, and he has some estrogen going on, so he has a little right breast going on. He is now 10 lb, 8 oz. I've been so worried I was making enough for him... I guess I am! It's been really hard not knowing how much he's getting.
I'm still scared I'm going to fall apart inside- I've been sore for a few days since I picked him up in his carrier. Bigger nono than I thought (I thought it was a no, but Eric insisted the nurse said it was OK.
Still scared I'm bleeding internally somehow and going to fall apart.
*sigh* I don't like surgery.

emotionalness and a video of fussiness while asleep

Once you think you have it kicked, NOPE.
Teared up today because...
-scared Alex isn't getting enough food
- Eric is going back to work Thursday
- Grandpa died
- love my baby
-love Eric
- scared I'm bleeding internally

Crazy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnpbAHXnIm8

two week checkup

Not officially cleared for driving, but the doc implied I should just abuse rides as much as possible (I mentioned my husband was going back to work Thursday). Said incision looks good. I sat in the office skared and stresed- I try to avoid thinking about it oo much, but I hurt from it so I get upset. It was too traumatic for me to forgive right now, even though I got my beautiful baby from it.
The next week scares me a little- Eric will be at work, and my parents will be gone to Vegas. I will be on the property all alone with newborn. I will be accepting visitors, lol- going to ask Grandma over probably and looking for another afternoon visitor (maybe to watch a movie) just so I don't feel totally alone. Having Alex all day can be wearing if I'm already tired, but he is a good kid and does nap (like he is doing right now.)

a day at a time...

Every day I'm learning more, able to handle more (Two hour crying fits? Suck.) Every day, I figure I'm getting better about my cesarean, and something else pops up.
I have some pain from the incision- yers, nerves were cut, that kind of thing. And it gets me angry. I wish I could let go of it, because that was what was best for Alex, but I can't yet. Give me more time, give me a belly without soreness and tape, and give me back the feeling in my tailbone area, and we'll talk (yes, part of my butt is still numb. I will be talking about it with my doctor Monday.)
Tonight will be an early bedtime... I'm struggling now, and it's 5:30.

I love to cook

Seriously. I think it's a family thing. I spent all afternoon working on dinner, s oI'd yummy snack options. And after this stuff cooks, I have chicken that needs to be cooked that will be shredded for- pot pie. I have to make at least one while Eric is home!
So i didn't get to rest, but mentally, I am in a happy place.
tonight's menu- three differnt kinds of sweet potato (courtesy of the local Montessouri high school, AKA "The Farm" that is selling their sweet potatoes) The regulr orange kind, one called "Oriental" and one called "New Jersey" (I think it's got a 'new' on there.) I think I like the New jersey better than the Oriental, which are white and supposably have a 'chestnut' flavor, the Jersey kind are yellow and sweet.
I totally recommend those- I cooked them with butter, brown sugar, a little water, ane cinnamon and nutmeg. I recommend stirring them part way through.
A little honey in the BBQ sauce for the chicken, and Grandma's cheesy rice recipe- yum!
I got my clothes tday, I think I am sending one shirt back, but I am waiting for buying a bra, which I will be doing tomorrow.
I got the biggest one I could find at Target, and it's a little small, but it's niec having another option. I juust can't wear it a lot because it could clog milk ducts (q risk on underwirebras) I figure I'll avoid them while home.
I got a couple things that are more comfort than style, at least right now- I have a little pot belly I am vain about, but hey- I just carried a baby 9 months and had major surgery. I'm giving my body 6 weeks before I worry about pot bellies- my weight is almost back to pre-pregnancy, but I am on worried about that right now either- I have to keep the calorie intake up for Alex right now. Lots of comfy clothes right now, but also stuff I feel OK in. Lots of black though, but everything looks good with black, right?

I only have a week

until Eric goes back to work. I was blessed to have him three weeks, if he had stayed on the original plan, he would have been back today...
I'm a little scared, I will have him all to myself all day Monday through Friday, on top of cooking dinner (cesarean says keep it on light side housework wise for 6 weeks... I'll let him continue to do the dishes, but I can help with laundry, I think. And some cleaning has GOT to get done.
I didn't do any today because I was upset again, first a botched doc's appointment this morning, the remembering "OH yeah, I can't wear my rings yet because I never found them."
That and napping with Eric and Daisy on the bed... baby starts fussing, who gets up? Mommy. Dog and Daddy slept through it. *sigh* Man's best friend my butt.
So Alex has been napping all afrernoon in his swing- I'm scared he has discovered it and decided it's more comfortable than a crib- he's just wanted to be held a lot the last couple days, which is fine. He wants to be held, we hold him. Sometimes we hold him when he's not even awake to enjoy it, but we do.
Breastfeeding is hard, but looking at him after eating makes me smile. It's a good feeling to be able to take care of his needs, and I'm glad he takes to a bottle so easy, Eric fed him this morning... I'm a little dependent of the bottles come Thanksgiving time- I think I can sneak away gracefully better at Grandma's than at Eric's parents' friends, so I will have to have a couple of bottles ready.
Yes, I've been concerned with Thanksgiving before Alex came, lol. We haven't done the two places in one day before, but I figured it was important to do... we're just going to do Carona first... I haven't asked her yet, but I think it will work. grandma's Thanksgiving starts at 1ish, so hopefully we can go to Johnny and June's for a couple of hours beforehand (not looking forward to it especially, but whatever.)

Alex and Daisy play

getting the hang of naps

out of sheer exhaustion. Seriously, what am I going to do when Eric isn't here? I hope by then I've got the energy... I think part of it is the physical demand of breastfeeding- I've never caught up to what I lost in the hospital, so I am trying to get up my calorie intake... my hunger signals still don't always work. Mostly i eat 2 lunches, but they tend to be smaller. I had snacks by the glider for night, but wasn't really eating them... need to get back to that and find good stuff 4 that ( it was stuff like carrot sticks).

Exhausted

of course, in love with my little man... but my arms are SO tired. My hands, thumbs, and wrists are hurting from holding his head as he nurses (we have a pillow system, complete with Boppy, but the rolled up towel the lactation consultant at the hospital also positioned him with is so often forgotten, I gave up on it.)
Daddy and Alex are watching Home Improvement...
Every day is a differnt day eating wise- he spent 2 doing about 2 hours a day between during the day, and 3 1/2 at night, and I was suprised and happy, cause I could deal with that. No, he didn't keep that- he know is cluster feeding, then eating every hour or hour and a half, then sleeping for 4. Of course, that happened in the middle of the day yesterday when Steph was here, so I couldn't abuse it for a nap.
I was so tired yesterday Eric brought him to me and we did the nursing in bed- worked just fine! He was really fussy for a couple of hours... turned out, I think it was all gas. He spit up on Eric, then me, then me a couple of hours later, and then a little more this morning. So I avoided my hot chocolate :( I don't know if it did that, but I'm waiting to see.
I know he's still new, so his tummy is still working itself out. He has slowed down on the poo machine- it was insane for a couple of days.
I'm having a little stress today and yesterday in the morning when I realize that I'm hungry, and that it's so early (lost out on daylight savings time) and my day of catering to a newborn is starting. My arms ache from gholding him feeding and otherwise (I'm going to have great biceps!) and other things are sore, too... but it shall pass.Thank goodness the hormones emotionalness is over- getting frustrated because it's 2 am and you're falling asleep feeding the baby and the burp cloth is just out of reach is annoying.
I did do some clothes shopping- Old Navy and Gap online. I have shopping online, but I needed a couple of nursing tops (still figuring out what wardrobe will work nursing, slowly putting all of the clothes together in one place.
I got not only nursing tops but also stuff that buttoned down, including a yellow striped henley that called my name (thanks for that and a dress, Cari!) I will eventually be a rockin' dressed mom, which is my goal :)