Dang that's huge, oh well. Love.

Alex is really starting to grasp things, like literally, si I am having to start making necklace decisions carefully- mostly, what can be unhooked or pulled over my head easily to separate me from said baby...

To keep things on the less graphic side, I have bled a couple of times since I got my 6 week checkup. The first time, thought it could have been overworked or my period (I'm breastfeeding, so I was wondering how it could be so soon.)

Nope, did again. Figured it was overexertion, and spent two nights after I would take care of Alex crying into my pillow, since it was nighttime and quiet and I was tred and streesses. I spent a lot of time being afraid I would split open on the inside, and it was like it was my worst fear coming true. I was afraid that it was affecting having a baby in the future, that my uterus would risk rupture and be weak... anyway. I called the doctor today, and the RN caklled back and told me to start exercising those muscles.

Yep, they were underused.

WHADO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!

I spent 6 weeks of my life afraid to use any muscles in that area because I was afraid I would split open somehow. The 2 times I use those muscles, I bleed. And you're telling me to exercise.

It made me cry, again. I really hope I don't go through so much emotional terror with my next cesarean, because this is getting to be too much. I am not good with dealing with the fact I have been cut open and sewn back together (stapled too!) and trying to keep it easy for 6 weeks was really hard for independant me. In fact, I can tell you it didn't totally work, which is part of the problem. Eric back at work, everyone sick, I was left to fend for myself.