I love this lens..

I can't do it all.

Some things are definitely falling in the cracks.
am realizing I can only focus on 2 1/2 things in one day.
So it is one of these
a. Alex
b. me
c. the house
d. blogging
e. working on freelancing

Ugh. I need at least 3 of the 5, not 2.
I am usually the 1/2. Which is good, since I get to be a prioroty, but seriously, I need to figure out all 5. Or at least make it 4. or 4 1/2.
That is my new mission.

Oops, been a while

Now that Alex is more, um, insteresting, my days are way more full.
Right now he's asleep again this morning, which is a really good thing. The last few days, he has been awake pretty much all day. A couple of 12 minute catnaps during the day is all he has been giving me, and then his 3 hour nap in the late afternon.
Last nights, however, wasn't until 6 pm.
Egad.
Somehow, he took a bath and was still in bed at 11 pm.
Yeah, bedtime for this munchkin is 10 or 11. And then he is up with daddy's alarm, or close to it.
Out in that a wake up call between 1:30 or 2, and you have my life the last couple of nights. last week I was up three times one night, Ugh. My sleeping through the night baby is no longer, but slowly going that direction gain, thankfully.

other than trying to figure out when he's hungry (he's currently at about 50th percentile, trying to keep him there) we play a lot on the mat, read grandpa's book (Eric's daddy's) and other stuff. He loves tv, but I try to limit it, although we all know that doesn't work well.

if you don't read the block Cake Wrecks

You must.

This was the outfit he wore at Christmas. There weren't very many good pictures of it around, so we modeled it some more.

This weekend has been a lot easier than the last week.

After finding out Alex had gained only 4 ounces in 2 weeks (they are supposed to gain an average of 4-6 ounces a week or so) I tried to get him more food. Right now I'm eating oatmeal in the morning (at least one serving) and taking fenugreek 3x a day, 2 capsules each (I'm going to try to take out a dose in a few days to see if I still need all of that) and no more screaming in hunger every night.

Good thing we kept hospital formula, let me tell you.

Alex is now definitely interacting with toys- holding them, squeezing them, looking at them. he has kind of held stuff before, but now he is holding them with intent, which makes a difference. So all of the toys he got for Christmas are starting to be played with.

wanna hear a baby laugh?

And, of course, we dip our toes in the ocean

You know the saying

when people say it will get worse before it gets better? Yeah.
*crosses fingers I don't have to suppliment permanently*

Lactation clinic

So on top of again feeling the affects of doing too much ( was wearing Alex while shopping with Cari part of it? :( I was again stressing about my supply last night. So I called and wedged myself into the lactation clinic held every Monday through the hospital's low-cost clinic.
This is entertaining.
When I arrived, Alex was the biggest. By far. The 6-week old one was maaaaybe 8 pounds, a tiny wrinkled little man next to my 12-and-a-half (yep, accurate as of today) monster. A couple of them were pretty fresh from the hospital, and a few of them needed major help.
I went mostly for the weight check-in and also to get help positioning him when my Boppy pillow isn't around (oh Boppy pillow, I should write an ode to thee!)
So while waiting, Alex decided he had to be the fussy one.v Well, turned out he had a reason, he completely blew out his diaper, so everyone got to witness me using a million wipes because it was all over (there was a changing table there in the room.)
After everyone else got started (Alex was low priority, so no problem there) he got weighed and then we got help with figuring out how to hold him (very convenient for in a car, etc.) He stopped eating about halfway done, so we weighed him. He had eaten less than 2 ounces, so we tried again. A total of 3-and-a-half ounces later, my smling, happy, flirtatious boy was much happer (Seriously, what is up with all of the women going gaga over my kid? It's really cute, he even had the lactation consultant going gaga.)
I talked with one of the ladies there, and listened to a couple conversations as well. I decided on my own that he wasn't gaining like he could, so I wanted to try to up my supply.
I ran over to Clarks after buying some much-needed diapers and bought sone fenugreek and real oatmeal.
I'm going to use the oatmeal as a jump start, but one of the other moms was using fenugreek and really liked her results.
So hopefully this and drinking a LOT of water will solve my problems.
*off to drink water*

I think Christmas 'done me in'

First, Alex does "Thriller".

I actually had to suppliment last night. I was really frustrated, but there just wasn't anything coming for Alex. I'm glad we stole and accepted formula from the hospital, because otherwise I would not been able to deal with the fussy baby with hand in his mouth sucking furiously.

So today's goal is to drink water every time I feed him, since that *may* be the culprit. I've been worried since I started the mni pills, but hopefully it is something I can fix. Yesterday was a fluster, constantly running, atc. And Alex was a really good boy, so I pushed the envelope- I guess too much for both of us.

It's hard trying to find the happy medium between baby-centered and being able to lead a normal life. I am really happy though that I have such a good baby so an afternoon of errands is possible.

Christmas

was a long furious whirlwind, let me tell you. I don't even remember what all I got because I was more excited about Alex's stuff.

This, I knew about. I had pointed it out to Grandma as a hint, and, well, she got it. It plays music and interacts with baby (he sets off the music by wiggling stuff) and entranced everyone Christmas day playing with it.

Christmas eve he got fun stuff- including a huge teddy bear I have no idea where to put. He got passed aroud early on, and started to get tired. when he fussed, did they let mommy take him? no. They tried to fix it themselves, so he was a mess when they finally let me take him but I quickly got him relaxed and sleeping. So a realtive that was trying to hold him got a crying mess of a baby instead of a happy one, which I wanted to do. Next time, I guess.

He got educational toys, and clothes,including toddler-sized stuff. We still have stuff in the car since yeterday was cook a lot and feed mine and Eric's parents (we had ham and turkey since Eric's mom doesn't eat ham, cinnimon butter gnocchi, sugar carrots, and Grandma's chesy rice along with Hawaiian rolls and chocolate chip cookies for dessert.)

Hopefully we have lots of pictures- Nicole helped take some, ad I still haven't checked the camera yet to upload them all.

I did it

I started another blog, an anonymous one. Since the holidays have been crazy for me, I have been slowly posting. I am going to be working on a list of topics and really get it off the ground maybe after the new year.
I am excited because I'll really be working on my writing skills instead of doing the diary thing like this is ( no prob with that!) but getting people to said blog will be difficult. I'm going to keep looking for similar blogs and posting comments to see if I can generate some traffic:) And, find some good topics.
I'm going to try to keep this one up as well since it has been good for keeping people up with things.

Dang that's huge, oh well. Love.

Alex is really starting to grasp things, like literally, si I am having to start making necklace decisions carefully- mostly, what can be unhooked or pulled over my head easily to separate me from said baby...

To keep things on the less graphic side, I have bled a couple of times since I got my 6 week checkup. The first time, thought it could have been overworked or my period (I'm breastfeeding, so I was wondering how it could be so soon.)

Nope, did again. Figured it was overexertion, and spent two nights after I would take care of Alex crying into my pillow, since it was nighttime and quiet and I was tred and streesses. I spent a lot of time being afraid I would split open on the inside, and it was like it was my worst fear coming true. I was afraid that it was affecting having a baby in the future, that my uterus would risk rupture and be weak... anyway. I called the doctor today, and the RN caklled back and told me to start exercising those muscles.

Yep, they were underused.

WHADO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!

I spent 6 weeks of my life afraid to use any muscles in that area because I was afraid I would split open somehow. The 2 times I use those muscles, I bleed. And you're telling me to exercise.

It made me cry, again. I really hope I don't go through so much emotional terror with my next cesarean, because this is getting to be too much. I am not good with dealing with the fact I have been cut open and sewn back together (stapled too!) and trying to keep it easy for 6 weeks was really hard for independant me. In fact, I can tell you it didn't totally work, which is part of the problem. Eric back at work, everyone sick, I was left to fend for myself.

Body image

Coming into pregnancy I was so excited my hips would grow a little- in the years following my RCC almost-6-pack, my belly has always been a little bigger because, well, I have no hips!

Sadly, even with all of the yoga and chiro and stuff, we are back in the same place. No hips. And now, my belly is bigger, so now my jeans sit lower. I am in constant fear of showing my stretch marks if my shirt isn't long.

I totally feel the little jiggle I have below my belly button and get upset. i don't feel sexy because of it.

Luckily, my man is there to remind me how many months it took to make that belly, and that it will take more thqn the 7 weeks it's had so far to go away.

The 7 weeks feel like a lifetime- I mean, it is for Alex, but I've been through so much, it seems like a year.

A new haircut does make me feel better though...

The tie that binds

It is a constant learning process to figure out how to go out places with Alex on a regular basis. This includes having pacifier, diapers, clean clothes, a bottle if that is an option, etc.
He has to somehow make it into the carseat in that time after eating and pooping but not before he is hungry again.
I have to hopefully get the errand(s) done so that he gets hungry or fussy in the car and not the store, hopefully (haven't nursed in public yet, this will probably happen Monday).
Note to self- nursing in back seat of the Focus is no longer an option, it's way too cramped.
Baby-wearing is a definite yes. Alex fell asleep in Target after eating, and thankfully did not have some big explosive poop like I feared could happen. No one touched him, but many pointed and said "Aaaaawwww... " Mostly little girls. OK, all little girls. He does set off the older women, lol.
Not only planning what all to take, but where. I really wanted to go to Cari's shindig, but cringed at the weather and the risk of having to slam on brakes or other stupidness with Alex in the car. His head control is better, but I want to avoid whiplash or injury to a 7 week old I have miraculously not hurt yet except for dropping something heavy on his eyebrow and leaving a mark (and the hysterical crying that ensued by both of us).
*sigh* I need social time, but I am not as depressed as I was a couple of weeks ago. Course, a couple doses of friends always does that for me (Cari, you rock for coming out last weekend. I wish I really did live closer.)
It's hard knowing there is stuff I'd like to do and I'd just love to drop Alex off and be gone for an afternoon watching a movie at the theatre, but I have made promises that are more important than 'New Moon' (sigh).
Feeding Alex is a promise I made to myself and Eric and, while it's annoying, is also rewarding and not as much of an inconvenience as I thought it would. he doesn't eat ALL the time, he actually is starting to take a longer break at night (last 2 nights he gave me 5 hour stretches of sleep, go Alex!) And doesn't do much except maybe spit up afterwards.
it;'s mostly having my schedule thrown out the window and someone else's ever changing one the new law, so it is a daily task of figuring out what is going on and making it work with what I need to do.
And I am slowly learning how I can make myself independent of Alex for a couple hours here and there, so I will be catching movies in a while:)

I had a good idea

for what to write, but I forgot what it was. If I think of it later, I will, otherwise, my brain is not cooperating with me.

So here is our Christmas card!

preview of Christmas cuteness

Considering a public blog

I like doing this thing, but it's mostly for updating a few people. I'm considering making a public blog, and actually writing it for random people to read. I'd like to keep my writing skills up to date, and photo skills as well- I could document whatever I was talking about, although I would probably do it pretty anonymously.
I even have an idea for the title, it's just deciding wether or not to do it. I started this one mostly to keep people up to date with my and the baby, and that has been done, so I'm not sure what all to do- although I don't know f I'd kill this one or not.
There's lots of things could talk about- what I cooked for dinner, what I'm wearing (clothes are an obsession right now, because looking presentable makes me feel good:) I know the successful ones have an 'angle' but I am not sure if I am thinking it would be a busy blog or not.
Thinking, thinking...

I survived another week

This week has been crazy- since Eric and I share a car, we had to organize borrowing mom's or taking Eric to work this week, since I had a pediatrician appointemnt, a chiropractor appointment and lunch with the girls all on different days.

All three went fine.

Alex is already 2 feet long! He also weighs over 11 pounds. Crazy. It's true when they say they will never be that way again... I try to remember how small he was in the hospital... He's grown so much more into his face though, what a cutie!

Today for lunch I made an effort to get cute. I don't get out, but I always try to get brushed and decent in the morning for the day. Today I wanted to be a little cute, like the fashion blog I like to check out, Adored Austin . I wore purple tights, leopard ballet flats, and a dress with a black belt. I adore the belted look, it looks good. I have a couple dresses I hadn't worn yet belted with my big belt, so today I tried my denim one. Score:) And heart- shaped sunglasses, but that was nmot intentional. Couldn't find my regular ones. I've had many items misplaced in the chaos right before and after Alex came- I'm still finding random items in places because I can't remember where I put them three weeks before.

Don't have plans for this weekend except getting Christmas pics done so I can work on Xmas cards. I have big plans, let's see if I can get them done.

Some photos

I'm planning on shooting more this week. It's a little exhausting for both of us, not having an assistant except Daisy who is on baby boycott right now...

I'm trying to get ready for Christmas cards, lol.

Swooping in at the nick of time

This was my first week alone. Now, since the hospital, I've had a lot of alone time- Eric working on his truck as well as being with Alex and I, and everyone else being sick and staying away. It's been a rough 4 weeks.
I can't complain too much- I do have an easygoing baby. But it has been overwhelming being at some one's beck and call at least once every three hours to eat, let alone all of the other things that Alex needs.
Last night was rough- Alex kept eating and fussing until midnight, and I had tried everything I could, as calmly as possible, to get him to sleep (Eric coming in and picking him up did the trick at 12:30- at 4, it was putting him on my chest. Again, after trying that an hour ago. Bleah.)
I was so wound up last night, I couldn't sleep once I got the chance, so I racked in a good three hours. Total. Up at 8, early as usual (yes, I know it's not that early. But I don't really sleep in till 9 regardless, it gets too light.)
Eric was really a saving grace last night and this morning- he made breakfast, so I actually got some before 11. Which is important, I have to eat so I can make breakfast/lunch/dinner for someone special.

Sleep

is getting easier all of the time. he last two nights have been pretty good- Alex has eaten at 9 or 10, then at 1 or 2, then 4 or 5, then 8 or so... he is eating more often before and after his afternoon nap, though, which is fine, but he keep falling asleep, so it's every hour for a couple few hours.. makes getting ready in the morning way harder.
He's asleep now, after being up all morning, like he was yesterday morning. It's different every couple of days, and I'm waiting for a little bit of a schedule to happen, but every time I figure it out he changes it:)